Lost in the Logic

The past month or so, my mind has gone into journey of a world that I do not know. A place I keep finding myself in where even friends become foes, where enemy lines are drawn in the sand by fear and stubbornness of my own heart.... only to be redrawn again and again. Till my body aches and my soul seems transparent to the whole world.... till I dont even know myself and I feel like I am in a state of catatonic shock, unable to feel at all. Where even hiding in the shadow of God, I must question whether I am hearing the still small voice of God. I did not find myself in this place, nor did I know that in my mind such a place even existed until last August, when terror itself brought into the recesses of what has been a personal hell with walls of terror and confusion and fingers that scratch and pull at your hand till you are in complete paralysis and arrest of breath. When I've thought so much, I become afraid to think. And when you cease to think, and stop feeling, then you begin to wither from the core of your soul. I cannot explain, but for the Grace and Mercy of my God, how I found the truths amongst all the voices inside. I have clung to love, I have had to place everything into a litmus test for its' common sense....but mostly I've had to surrender. Completely surrender myself back to God, for the battle, no matter what plane of existence it is on- is always the Lord's and Love conquers all. Truth will find it's way to you, and destiny can never be chained by fear. So, from this unknown place I am living in, I must refind myself in everything I thought I knew and let joy,love,and a hunger for Gods peace be the ink I dip my quill into.... Maybe I do have to rewrite everything I have known to be true.... but it will still be made from the same fabric and values that my soul and logic, body and heart have always clung to. It is who I am and it is my salvation and God himself is carrying me through.