Mercy's Calamities

“The only constant in life is change”-Heraclitus." I've been 'stuck' for over a year now...talking and hoping one day I would be 'ready' to go meet people and develop a social infrastructure of support , and enjoy friendship...every time, my loneliness and isolation pulls me into myself, and dont think I'll make it out. When I do, I swear that I'm going to go do these new things...but then I get so comfortable in my little space and routine... Until last week....and now I feel uncomfortable in my own skin...and life seems so surreal,  but I also know, that's probably exactly what its gonna feel like anytime I do it....So, I'm holding steady in the stretch and trying to focus on the little things that are enjoyable now and focusing on how much greater,joy,and connectivity I will feel. I question what I'm made of,  I feel disconnected from the whole world, and I dont understand how I can experience so much growth,  only to be back at livi...

Ethereal sanctity holds the space in time, your arms protect with hallowed reverence, a soul frozen in fearful arrest of breath.. dark soul...sad soul...your soul...my soul... our eternal conception….two hearts...two souls...immortal love, in unspoken divine collision fuse to just one … Before the demons within us hiding... unholy, bloodthirsty, reapers of the underworld born from fear, relentless unworthy thieves … Mortal time rings the bells, concrete angels, separate across silent oceans of pain, tell the tale of torn exsistence- once sacred,one exsistence...ashes scattered into the pages of cold damnations, indifference… hells bitter aftertaste...fill the lines.. In that holy,sacred space...fractals of broken humanity joined and forever altered reality. What cannot be fathomed in this space of time we call life… in what other souls cannot concieve… The event of us cannot be undone… One cannot forget its exsistence...it is an eternal state of being….not a memory… For me....

I reached a point where inside my soul began a dance of spiritual growth, madness,grief,loneliness and unknowns... Where my mind,body,and soul and heart became engaged in a terrifying and intimate relationship with my humanity and divinity, in a space where I lacked any knowledge of my experience and held only fears and shame. Time was an endless cycle of  terror and a learning of what it meant to rely completely on God in an intimate faith. When I became willing to accept that the devine shades of the human condition cannot always be understood from a position of logic. That acceptance helped me to accept and see more clearly Gods purpose for me.