Mercy's Calamities

On the edges of my life, I see normalcy humming it's cathartic Melody People walk by and I smell the fulfillment of their lives...it is the most viscerally satisfying fragrance one could hope to inhale Every day that I wake up,I'm never certain Even should the world around me be calm That I will be facing a day with enough strengh where my heart has the courage to sift through My memories of pretending to be a part of the Golden mean, my moments of true personal triumphs known to only me , and so many reminders of how I'm supposed to be. And come up with a motivational game plan to survive this isolation on the periphery of life. Could I just suppose to be just like this and work on the kinetics of my heaving of mind and heart before my soul evaporates to a veneer of some weird sort of human condition I cannot even begin to imagine. As Time passes there is a terror that is seeping in around my mind, darkening the hope light in my heart, changing the opaci...

I would love to feel safe, just right in that space where my heart and mind entangle with all the indelible,cumulative,inverted,tender,diseased parts of my soul.  Not fixed, just safe. I would love to let you know I feel safe inside even though I'm broken...one day I hope to tell you that 

A moment is all you need to inspire a smile from a weary soul. Here’s to every moment and being fully surrendered to it,fully alive in it, fully immersed in the miracle that moment is. Here’s to mercy for those moments you’re all in, fully alive ,and immersed in the miracle and you have never been more acutely aware of your brokenness Here’s to the moments like frozen agony and interminable in length You’re not sure there is an end and if there is, your positive you will never recover from enduring the moment, you are now good and dead. Please hurry with your casket Here’s to the moment that is eternal and timeless. When Two people connect on another level of knowing, beyond what we know of our breath and mind and words and talk. A space and time is something you speak about having been with someone, rather a place you share more figuratively. Those moments can define relationships, lifetimes,legacies… Right now, I’m living my life, hoping my dreams and sanity stay with me… moment to ...

They Still Whisper About the Stains I've sullied the sidewalks, I've bloodied and muddied the walls; They still whisper at their doors. Dark is the stain of the madness and mud of early spring.....  I can tell you I felt it change me, intangibly a loss interminably...with the weight of sorrow . I have begun to imagine that I may be able to heal; begun to remember my life before it was roused out of a slumber that was a innocent,  ingratitious,assumption of security,home,and sanity..... They still remember those days though; the stories the screaming- The stories of imagination from the Islands of isolation and other Places.   Cold hearts, sharp tongues.... that seem caught on kindness to my face - Leave a mysterious shroud of vacancy...  No place to live,  No heartfelt desire to spend time with me. Fear,or stigma..... The stain will color their walls and floors.  Understanding and Vulnerability have undertoes to the deep A soul can be fragile when confronte...

When He smiled at my ugly mess He gave me a certain sense of dignity I didn't deserve. From that moment my soul has been surrendered lucidly, madly,  Completely.

THE VOLUMES OF PAGES YOU RIPPED AND DESTROYED. THE SHREDDED, BLOODIED, TEAR SMUDGED DESPERATE, PLEADING, CONFOUNDED, DEFEATED, ANGRY, QUIET, INDIFFERENT, LUCID, RELENTLESS CONSUMING ,INSANE MOMENTS.... ALL THOSE PLACES OF TRUEST VULNERABLE EMOTION AND OF SEARING, TERRIFYING,VICIOUS PLACES OF TRUTH MY LOVE FOR YOU TOOK ME... TOOK ME ,BROKE ME, BLESSED ME and BEAT ME IN DIZZYING SYNCHRONICITY... BIRTHING UNFATHOMABLE  PASSION BOUND ME WITHOUT MERCY , RELENTLESSLY  I OFFERED EVERY SCINTILLA OF MY SOULS  TRUTHS, UNAWARE THE EMPTY VESSEL I'D BECOME  GRIEF  CONSUMING ME IN MADNESS GRIEF  IN WAVES I COULD NOT SEPARATE.. TILL THERE WAS NO SOUL LEFT IN MY OWN EYES. A  MORBID EROTICA WHERE THE DARKEST  OF MY SELF-LOATHING INTERTWINED BECOMING ONE TO YOUR MASOCHISTIC FANTASIES..   MY EYES BECAME A VACANCY. MY SOUL SCREAMED SILENTLY.. WHEN A BEAUTIFUL, ACHING, TRUTH, SWALLOWED ME WHOLE, THEN  SPIT ME OUT -  BROKE ME ENTIRELY. BROKE ME COMP...

Frozen, shocked,deaf to  insanity around me.... safety is a catatonic time bomb Mercy is the aftermath of unnoticed relentless suffering Hallowed the breaking of mind that brings peace Sacred  the ringing which quiets outside In sacred shelter of the storm Deeper  the polish my soul The more gratitude for pain I known Tracy Boote  June 27th 2021