War Of A Rose In A Barren Land

"Her own contempt for any forms of pressure society might put upon her was so profound and instinctive that she instinctively despised anyone who paid tribute to them.” Doris Lessing 

I face a battle in a dry barren land, where my soul will feel dismembered and my body will feel no peace from its longing to be whole again.

It will be lonely for I'm at war with my mind.

I will be pushed to limits that will threaten to break my sanity,

So I must use what little weapons I have.

The anguish will seem ceaseless, until healing begins and hope shines it's light, joy quenchs the thirst ... 

This is a battle I must fight and Victory is the only end.

Moments

A moment is all you need to inspire a smile from a weary soul.

Here’s to every moment and being fully surrendered to it,fully alive in it, fully immersed in the miracle that moment is.

Here’s to mercy for those moments you’re all in, fully alive,and immersed in the miracle and you have never been more acutely aware of your brokenness.

Here’s to the moments of frozen agony that's interminable in length.

 When they end you always find you did make it and your stronger than you think. 

Here’s to the moment that is eternal and timeless.

When Two people connect on another level of knowing, beyond what we know of our breath and mind and words and talk. A space and time is something you speak about having been with someone, rather a place you share more figuratively. Those moments can define relationships, lifetimes,legacies…

Right now, I’m living my life, hoping,growing,dreaming,planning,doing - moment to moment,finding they quietly change my reality.

Trusting God and Destiny that I was not brought all this way to fall apart here… I'll take every moment I'm in

 knowing a moment can change everything including me.

Finding Myself

" I am out with lanterns, searching for myself" ~ Emily Dickison

How do I find myself, amongst all the clutter and noise. How do I uncover the lies that I told myself, if I think they are truths? A Higher Power than me that comes as a still small voice... So hard to hear amongst the noise of a thousand regrets, torn lives, hatred and abuse. Have my sins soiled my soul so completely it is deaf to love, faith and hope? I am screaming in constant terror, but the nothingness I exist in the  remains of the silence of a thousand little deaths - buried and unheard  ... I need faith that if I hold to hope, Love can do its work. A painful metamorphosis to freedom, lessons learned from my self-inflicted scars and unforgiven hurts. 

Memory Vlog of My Birthday Dinner October 5th 2023

Precious Birthday Dinner Memories

Threads of Fate

Dear Me, Choose wisely ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

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Girls Night In

Earlier this evening...and off to bed...Goodnight

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Staying in the Moment

Right now...I am struggling to stay in this moment...I am inside it with the weight of all the things which brought this moment to be. Give me the courage to let go the weight...and just be here.

Imported post: Facebook Post: 2023-09-19T03:29:31

When perspective shifts just a little, it changes to a different reality. I desperately want those shifts closer to utopia of unconditional love and my truest self creating an energy that manifests change. 

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Imported post: Facebook Post: 2023-09-10T16:36:11

~Atticus

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Imported post: Facebook Post: 2023-09-02T19:07:06

The journey of moving through the shadows within me, gives me a little more freedom within everyday...

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Imported post: Facebook Post: 2023-08-30T14:09:10

Untitled Post

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Imported post: Facebook Post: 2023-07-22T02:36:39

My Goals for deeper beauty...

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Dont know, letting go of fear for trust

All of me is battling in a war to regain an inner focus, staying calm so I can be guided by the Holy Spirit...learning where I need to strengthen and grow. I am feeling the changes within me like a light is banishing the shadows of  myself which prefer to stay undisturbed by the truth and light. Becoming aware of them, but not being discouraged can be a heavy amount of effort when I so deeply carry a dark self-loathing. I press forward , even not knowing where this path I am on might lead...I know it will all be well with me. Each time discouraged, I force myself to find gratitude for the beauty of the moment Im in. Moment collectively make my personality and influence matters of the soul. Nothing matters more to me, then the health and peace in my soul. When I lose that, I quickly lose everything. I thank God daily for every moment of the day , I feel the Holy Spirit guiding me and showing me things. It is manifesting in my mindset and physical health already. The only thing in me , the divine eternal oart of me is my soul. Everything temporal is nothing, when you are free from the prison of mortality...and all that you see in front of you is eternity. 

The beauty of First Light

The beauty of first light

How long have I been here

Hidden, suffocating, isolated,ahedonia possessing every part of me.

Time only matters when you count the ticks of destiny echoing behind you, like it's the only sound in vast empty space filled with all your vanished dreams.

It didn't happen all at once...just a thought that slipped quickly enough through my mind

I barely caught it'd stream,

But it made me smile inside, so quietly...it was a passing flicker of light inside of my hollow being.

It happened again, and it's pleasure and warmth scared me...

Dare I trust this feeling...is this me awakening... has my soul begun to breathe.

Holy hands and heavens mercy...have you come to my pleas,

I whisper intimate words, to the stars and they stir a hope in me...

Hold it and it then is real, 

Don't let the darkness fool you

You're infinite existence cannot be extinguished by even the most heinous mortal travesty. 

I'm bleeding hope from within the deepest part of me

I'm breathing life and it tastes like joy...

And I feel love touching me...

Like dawns first quiet light, it

Slowly swallowed the death and illness infecting me...

It feels like being born in slow motion and I see...me.